I screwed up

1.23.2019

It's hard to admit but, I screw things up too. Yesterday when I was coming back from Johor, I received a call and knew that I screw up an appointment. I forgot about it and there's nothing I can do because I was on the road.



This feeling left me with lots of guilt and shame, that lasted for the whole day. If I were to experience this back then, I'll probably carry the shame and guilt with me for the whole week. But yesterday I took initiative to do the few things below, and it made me feel better.



1. Take responsibilities 
It's scary to admit that you are wrong. My reflex when it comes to facing my mistakes is to push the responsible away or at least as far as I can. I was so scared in taking responsibilities. Yesterday when I picked up the phone, I knew I did a mistake. My first attempt was to find excuses. Pause. I told the person over the phone that I was terribly sorry (I really am), and offered a solution that hopefully could help with the situation.



2. Process your emotions/feelings 
Last night, I took the time out to write down how I felt. These were exactly what I wrote.

".... I feel shameful for making this mistake" 
".... I feel guilty that I have caused inconvenience for others" 

I even went on to describe the physiology when I was experiencing the emotions like, heart/chest feels tighten, sweaty palms etc.

After admitting these feelings, I proceed to the next.


3. Ask for forgiveness, from yourself
It is true that the highest expectations that a person could give is yourself. Yesterday I went for my last counselling session with my counsellor and she said that I am very 'critical' to myself, I almost teared.

I wrote a forgiveness letter to myself.

"Yes you did a mistake, but it doesn't mean you are not loved or liked anymore. You've learned from this mistake that you need to update your calendar every week. You've learned that you should pause and think before agreeing to any appointments. You are now better because you've learned how to manage your time better. Remember what to do next time, but don't hate yourself for making this mistake. I love you!" 

It's cliche. But it works. I felt a huge sense of relieve as if the pressure on my shoulder is lifted.



Thank you for reading. If you've made a mistake today, learn from it, and let it go so you can move forward in bettering yourself.

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LOVE, MINNIE

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