Counselling, do you need one?

1.30.2019

I just ended my counselling session with my first ever counsellor. It was like a break-up (in good terms la of course). To be honest, I often get asked: Do you think I need counselling?


The answer from me is always yes.



Whether or not you are in a distressed emotional situation or you are 'perfectly' fine (well, we all know there's no such thing as perfect), counselling would be beneficial because...

1. You'll learn your trigger points
I first went in for a counselling session just because
- it's free for Help University students (yay free stuff)
- my lecturer says it would be beneficial woorrrr.

So I went in just because. But little did I know I would come out with so many gains. My first session looked like this



Yes. I cried like a crying baby, sobbing, unable to finish my sentences. After the session, I was shocked to recognize how many trigger points I had, that I never knew of for example I never knew I cared so much for my family before, or I've never knew I hadn't overcome my feelings that I had since I'm a child.


2. You're learning a life skill 
We never learn about self-care in schools or from our parents. In school, we learn to focus on academics and curriculum. At home, our parents taught us what's acceptable and what's not. But no one had every touch upon self-care. No one told us how to check in with ourselves. Really, how do we do that?

In sessions, I was able to recognize my thinking patterns and identify certain symptoms when I am going down-hill (read my burnout story). Moreover, it's the awareness that you have for yourself that's most important. I am now braver when confronting with my feelings, like when I screwed up the other time.

This, is a life-long skill. It's something that's different for everyone. So the sessions will guide you in finding your own way to be someone better.



3. It's the time you focus on yourself (probably the only time) 
If you are like me, you are constantly on-the-go. Even when I schedule my "me-time", it's never my me-time. I find it extremely difficult to tune in to myself, especially when I'm constantly having conversations in my head.

The counselling sessions creates a space that I can fully embrace my flaws and strengths. I could be myself. I don't have to put up a face to be the "perfect" daughter. It's my sacred place.



4. You learn to empathize
This is probably the best by-product. After being consistent with the sessions, I find myself being more calm, hence better at listening. Why? Those voices/conversations that I always had are now managed so I can finally listen to my friends and family when they talk. I learn how to listen to care, not listen to answer.


Before I end this post, here's a message from my first counsellor that brought a different perspective on counselling. Thank you :)




I screwed up

1.23.2019

It's hard to admit but, I screw things up too. Yesterday when I was coming back from Johor, I received a call and knew that I screw up an appointment. I forgot about it and there's nothing I can do because I was on the road.



This feeling left me with lots of guilt and shame, that lasted for the whole day. If I were to experience this back then, I'll probably carry the shame and guilt with me for the whole week. But yesterday I took initiative to do the few things below, and it made me feel better.



1. Take responsibilities 
It's scary to admit that you are wrong. My reflex when it comes to facing my mistakes is to push the responsible away or at least as far as I can. I was so scared in taking responsibilities. Yesterday when I picked up the phone, I knew I did a mistake. My first attempt was to find excuses. Pause. I told the person over the phone that I was terribly sorry (I really am), and offered a solution that hopefully could help with the situation.



2. Process your emotions/feelings 
Last night, I took the time out to write down how I felt. These were exactly what I wrote.

".... I feel shameful for making this mistake" 
".... I feel guilty that I have caused inconvenience for others" 

I even went on to describe the physiology when I was experiencing the emotions like, heart/chest feels tighten, sweaty palms etc.

After admitting these feelings, I proceed to the next.


3. Ask for forgiveness, from yourself
It is true that the highest expectations that a person could give is yourself. Yesterday I went for my last counselling session with my counsellor and she said that I am very 'critical' to myself, I almost teared.

I wrote a forgiveness letter to myself.

"Yes you did a mistake, but it doesn't mean you are not loved or liked anymore. You've learned from this mistake that you need to update your calendar every week. You've learned that you should pause and think before agreeing to any appointments. You are now better because you've learned how to manage your time better. Remember what to do next time, but don't hate yourself for making this mistake. I love you!" 

It's cliche. But it works. I felt a huge sense of relieve as if the pressure on my shoulder is lifted.



Thank you for reading. If you've made a mistake today, learn from it, and let it go so you can move forward in bettering yourself.

Thrift Lookbook | Malaysia thrifting experience

1.16.2019

Hey loves! I'm finally writing on a styling post! A while ago, I went to this bundle/thrift shop located in Ampang called Family Bundle when Nadia (@inner.maverick), one of my favorite online people called for a thrift hangout on her Instagram. It was definitely one of my favorite place to thrift because it is air-conditioned and the place is HUGE. I got to pick more 13 pieces with just RM83! SUCH A STEAL. Here's me putting together a few of my favorite pieces and had my good friend Ally photographed me.

Disclaimer
I usually buy stuff that are more affordable so most of the items doesn't have brand. Either I got them from Bangkok or thrifted besides my sneakers. So, you don't need to be expensive to play with styles!

Styled by: Minnie & Ally

Photographed by: Ally



Look 1

I love pairing a good oversized jacket with some feminine and sexy item inside. Hence, this is probably my favorite look! Also, you can always upgrade a look by getting a pair of white jeans!


Outerwear - Family Bundle 
Jeans - Bangkok 
Bralette - Bangkok 
Fanny Pack - Bangkok 
Sneakers - Converse  







Look 2


This look is definitely something that's out of my comfort zone. The top has a different sheen to it, the vest adds some layers to it and the pants are so lightweight and easy to style! All thrifted *score*! 


Long sleeved top - Family Bundle 
Pants - Family Bundle 

Vest - Family Bundle 
Hat - Forever 21 

Sneakers - Nike 
Clutch - Vavoom









Look 3

The key to this outfit is definitely the pink jacket. My favorite thing to thrift are jackets/outerwear. I love how unique each piece can be! Also, this outfit is mainly styled by Ally, with a bit of help from the boyfriend. Well, what d'you think?



Wind breaker - Family Bundle 

Crop top - Bangkok 
Jeans - Factorie 
Bucket Hat - Factorie 
Shades - Bangkok 
Bandana - Bangkok 
Boots - Palladium 






I had so much fun thrifting! Some quick tips when you go thrifting (I'll do an elaborated one once I've master the thrifting skills :P)

  1. Wear something light weight like a sleeveless top and shorts because you may/may not have a changing room. This way you can speed up your 'trying on' time. 
  2.  Be open minded. Chances are, you'll find unique stuff that has never crossed your mind. 
  3.  Estimate at least 2 hours to shop! You'll need to be patient in finding the right stuff. I always need some buffer time before warming up, going in full force! 
  4. Bring water, snacks and tissue (oh, and your own recycle bag). It could get dusty sometimes so I sneeze a lot there. So make sure you are well-fed so you don't get hangry when shopping! 



Last but not least, do you thrift? If so, where?

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson (What I've Learned)

1.09.2019

Well, this could've been the most talked-about book in 2018! It's still quite rare to see people read it in Malaysia, hence they were not in the more common bookstores like Popular or Book Xcess (maybe they think it's too vulgar lol). I got this copy from Kinokuniya at the price of RM79.90 *ouch*, but since I know I'm going to keep them, I bought it despite the price.

Instead of giving this book a rank (I'll do it at the end), I want to list down some of the things I've learned through this book.


1. Action creates motivation
I'll be writing on a post on how to create motivation next month. *brewing* The biggest thing I've learned from the end of last year is that there's no such thing as motivation. YOU CREATE MOTIVATION. Action first, then the motivation will come by. For instance, writing this post, posting it and receiving feedback from you guys creates motivation for me to keep producing more!

2. You don't need the AHA moment
The biggest take away from this book is that there will never be a right time. Don't wait until you are smarter, richer or whatever to start your dream or to learn something. In this era of technology you can learn within a click on the finger. You wanna make videos? I'm sure you have a phone. Need a gadget to start you business/passion? Start saving money to achieve them!


3. Improvements come from failures
"... the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you've failed at something."
It hits me hard because I am always comparing myself with other people's success. But what flipped me over is, I should compare my failure to their failure. I am not failing enough. I am not experimenting or doing enough, that's why I am not learning enough, hence, not successful yet. Also, by failing, it does not put a full-stop to your journey to your success. Failing once on this blog does not mean I cannot succeed here, it only means I can grow and learn and fail better next time ;)

4. "Do Something" Principle
"If you're stuck on a problem, don't sit there and think about it; just start working on it.... the simple act of working on it will eventually cause the right ideas to show up in your head." This ties back to my first point, just take actions. Many times, I have all these 'wonderful' ideas in my head, but I don't act upon it. What's the point? So many times when I encounter problems, I dodge it as long as I can. But really, it only cause morrreeee streesssss. There will never be the best solution/best way, but you can always the right ways/ideas when you take the first step.


5. Why I'm procrastinating
"The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it."
So many times I've passed on certain opportunities because I was afraid that I couldn't handle it. For example, I've been procrastinating on revamping my blog, because I was afraid that I couldn't live up to my set of expectations to be a great blogger. It challenges my ideal, hence I procrastinated. I was so afraid of the labels being "lame blogger", "blogger wana-be", "uninspiring" or "unprofessional", hence I rather not start this journey. This bring us to the next point...

6. Never know who you are
I always label myself as a dancer or a counselling student. But really, is that it? Sometimes it sets a strict expectation towards myself that I don't even realize. In the year of 2018, I expanded myself as a marketer, producer or even, not I finally can say, a creative blogger (in a much more confident way). I'm so excited to see what, and who I can become in the future years.




So... here's how I'll rate the book overall:

Rate: 8/10

Why?
It was a very easy to read book because I easily got so caught up with the way he writes it in a light-hearted way. I was flipping through it so fast, getting a-ha moments here and there throughout. It's easy to understand, and I would definitely re-read this book. However, towards the end I was reading it chunk by chunk so sometimes I don't follow the book throughout (hence I'm looking forward to re-read this). Overall, this is something I'll keep in the shelf, and pull it out whenever I need a reminder of what should I give a fuck about.



Oh, and, send me some book recommendations for the year 2019!


How to set new year's resolutions that REALLY work? (2019 version)

1.02.2019

Happy new year everyone! Still can't believe the year has flew by within a blink. I was going to write about how my 2018 went but I'll save that for another time. If you haven't catch up on the previous post, do so! Today's post is a continuation of the previous one.



I'm going to share a few tips on setting achievable resolutions. I've seen three types of people when it comes to setting new year's resolution:
1. The "I don't believe in making new year's resolution" type
2. The "I love setting new year's resolution but I never achieve them" type
3. The "I set them and achieve them" type


Today, we are focusing on how to become the third type. I've been doing this since 4 months ago and so far it's been working very well!


1. Knowing the bigger picture & reflecting on the previous goals 
Read my previous post here and you'll get a better idea of what I'm talking about. I can't emphasize enough on how important this is. To know where you are heading towards, and to know what's next is a form of motivation to keep you going.


2. Setting the goal 
You've probably heard this a million times, but it's important. Set goals that are measurable. How do you define your success? Say in 2019, you want to read more. What does 'more' means? Make sure you really define what does more and less means. For example, reading one book every month so that I can read 12 books at the end of the year. Also, always define your goals. For instant, if you want to be happier, then define what 'happy' means to you. More money? More opportunities? More family/friends time? By doing so, you are able to 'create' the happiness because they are measurable and achievable.


3. Visualize it
This brings me to this exercise: visualizing. You can do it in different ways: drawing it out, writing it on a paper or just saying it out loud. Don't keep your goals in your head. There's something about putting your goals out there, it's kind of like, making the goal exist. It sounds weird but trust me, it does make a difference. After doing so, put it somewhere that you can constantly refer back. For me, I make it a point in the beginning of the month to go through my list, so I can remind myself (because I'm a human Dory) what are my goals and reprioritizing my energy and time. This also ties in with the concept of "law of attraction", the more you believe your goals are real, they will become real.

So let's do this exercise together: draw/write down how would you feel and be like on 31st December 2019?

a) What will you be doing? 
b) How are you feeling?
c) What are you wearing? 

*be as detailed as you can be!*



4. Creating a system
Writing your goals are NOT ENOUGH. This is probably the most crucial part in making your goals achievable. If you were to set a goal on having a fit body, how are you going to achieve it? What are the steps needed. Break down the steps into the smallest possible. For instance:
1. Look for a fitness centre 
2. Sign up for classes 
3. Join 2 classes each week 
4. Only have desserts over the weekend etc. 

By breaking down the steps and creating the system, your seemingly huge goals are now achievable and you have a sense of power to make the change.


5. Fall backs 
Expect yourself to 'fail' at some point. Let's face it, we're human. We screw things up. But it doesn't mean we fail as a human being. I learned it the hard way after experiencing the burnout. Let's say you need to travel this week and will need to skip the fitness classes. Or this week you're overwhelmed with unforeseen events, what are you going to do? Many will feel demotivated and just ditch the system overall. I'll say, write down the possible fall backs you're likely to face (e.g.: if I fall sick this week, I'll take another week to recover or only go for one class the following week). This way, the fall backs ARE part of the plan.




I think that's all I have for you this week! I hope you find it helpful. Speaking about creating a system, I'll be uploading a new post every Wednesday 7.30pm! Let me know what other topics you want me to write about. Can't wait to create more content in this space.

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