My Burnout Story

11.14.2018


So.... where have I been?

To be honest, I've been pretty good! Trying to live life, trying to build a career, trying to juggle my (then) full-time job, studies and relationship in one go... it's good, really.... until I experienced a burn-out in May.


Burnout is a state of chronic stress that leads to 
1. Physical and emotional exhaustion  
2. Cynicism and detachment  
3. Feelings of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment
(retrieved from Psychology Today



I remember specifically on a Sunday when I woke up, I felt a strong sense of emptiness and worthlessness. I did not know how to enjoy my Sundays anymore. I just wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep. I cried, with my already puffy eyes from the crying the night before. I slept. I woke up and cried again.

Then I stopped, thinking to myself: oh shit, I'm depressed. I'm experiencing a major burn-out. I don't want this.


So I picked myself up, and started focusing on just one thing: cleaning up my space.



It's been so freaking long since I last take my own time in doing something FOR MYSELF. I appreciated it so much. I'm glad I was able to identify this with my knowledge on burnout. Then I thought to myself, how about those who are not aware of this? You can read more on the symptoms of burnout here, but here's some of the things that I've experienced (note: we are all different and amazing so no one will have exactly the same symptoms)


1. Feeling of worthlessness. 
I felt so damn unmotivated. My common thought was "What's the point?", to a point where I felt so useless and worthless. I had the perception that I have completely lost the power/control in changing things. That sucks.

2. Constantly feeling lethargic 
Very. Despite having naps, I still felt tired after waking up. The tiredness didn't appear to be physical, but it was more emotional and mental exhaustion. I can't believe how much I've cried this year. I don't know how to explain this feeling, but I know I'm not the only one feeling (you feel me right T_T)

3. Miserable
If there's one way to describe how I felt about burning out, it's miserable. Even when I went for trips with Joe, I was always occupied with the thought that I need to go back to the job I hate, I'm still useless, I'm nothing but a freaking failure... the list goes on. That was how miserable I was! With my mind constantly racing... that led to the next symptom.

4. Disturbance in sleep routine 
I couldn't sleep at night even if I felt tired. However, I napped a lot. Yet I still felt tired. Then, I cannot sleep at night. And it goes in full cycle.

5. Lost of appetite 
There are days when I don't even want to eat. Even eating is tiring. Hello, food leh! How can I ever say no to yummy food, but yeap, I did not have the appetite to eat.




I took around 3 months to fully recover from all the chronic exhaustion I experienced. Now, I'm working on pacing myself, and preventing myself from burning out. To be honest, I still don't think I'm 100% okay, but I am definitely in a better place now. Here are some of the steps I took (and am still taking) to take care of myself. It revolved around staying grounded, prioritizing your emotional health and knowing the "why".


1. Staying grounded
I continuously did a few things to keep myself grounded. Have you ever feel like you are floating around like a helium balloon, sometimes not even knowing what you did like 5 minutes ago? I felt so all the time during that period of time. What I do now to keep myself stay grounded are like journalling, meditating, working out and going for counselling. It may seem like hoo-haa boring stuff but man, it was important! I'll write how I do each of them specifically in upcoming posts. ;)

2. Prioritizing my emotional health 
Or basically prioritizing the above activities. The first and last thing I do in a day is to journal. I used to be the kind of person that would just work for hours straight. Well, you've guessed it right, I can't. I end up procrastinating, which causes so much guilt OR I just go depressed afterwards. Now? I found a great system to work for an hour and take 15 minutes breaks in between, using a timer. This morning I even woke up 15 minutes earlier just so I could quickly journal. I've been taking my emotional well-being more seriously after the burnout. I'll talk more about it.

3. Knowing the "why" 
This is ultimate. Many times, we go on auto-pilot mode where we just blindly do the things we do, especially when we're so caught up with meeting the daily needs. This ties closely to the first point. Knowing the 'why' keeps us grounded. I dedicated a whole day writing my vision and mission in life, identifying what feeds my soul and motivates me most. I review my purposes/whys at least once a week. I know it may sound cliche, but I swear just this ONE habit can keep you on track, and help you prioritize what must be done, and what can wait. :)


I know it is still quite a brief write-up. There's so much to cover! I'm glad I'm back on track and I hope I could discuss more of these topics here.

My question to you is, HOW ARE YOU? 
Check in with yourself. Really sit down and ask yourself this question.




V-series: Single vs In-relationship

2.12.2018


So, I did the V-series previously, and many of you have dm-ed me saying how it resonated to you.


I'll start this year's by discussing what I learned being single vs in-relationship. 


SINGLE
I've been single for two years since the last breakup. It was bad. It's probably the most difficult time because I definitely did not see that coming. 

Before talking about being single, I think it is important to also discuss about accepting the loss. First year was horrible, I was drown in work, getting busy and just tried my best to suppress whatever I'm feeling.

What I'll tell myself now is: It's ok. It really is ok to feel bad and shitty and horrible. It is ok to take your time in this journey. But get up and show up, you are more than this relationship. Don't let this relationship define you. 
You are so much more than that. 
You are your values, you are your family, you are your friends and you are your dreams. 

So, it's heart breaking to not be in someone else's life, just remember you have more than that. 



In-relationship
To be honest, it was equally as hard to start a relationship when you let your past on bug you all the time. The thing I remind myself is, this is not the past, don't let the past haunt you.
 I love Joe, that's why I'm more than aware when the past starts creeping in. It's just not fair for this guy that I am dating now. 

When they say, you only learn when you are in a relationship, it is true. 
Start learning about this person you are dating, NOT assuming that he/she will be like the previous one. 

Communication. It's key. This is such a difficult thing for me to learn, but somehow, talk about things that matters. 
Spend quality time. 
More importantly, respecting each other for who they are. 




That's it for today. Any other topics you want me to talk about? I'll be more than happy to hear your thoughts. Have a great day!




ID.AZ DERM MASKS

2.01.2018

Hello everyone! We are officially ending our January. OMGWTH. 
Let's do this: I want to start my blog by telling you a little bit about what happened that day. So we could get personal about what's going on :) 

Today was an off day so I spent the day with my friends and family, and also editing videos. I recall when I was younger, I would probably spent it by jam packing with activities or just not doing anything. Now i treasure each off day as it's an opportunity for me to be productive and work on my dreams! waw, how has time changed?


I also want to mention that I've been having bad skin days lately. T____T
due to the lack of sleep, stress and using the wrong product (watch my insta stories or videos on my FB page then you'll know what I'm saying). I'm so sad ok! It took me a long time to achieve this "acne-free" face but now it's all gone! 

My emergency kit to this situation has also been masks.
Id pla Cosmetic sent me some of their premium masks for review and yassss you came at the right time! 
(as usual, purchasing details is below so scroooooll down :) )


These masks are made to provide home-skincare regime because:
1. They provide treatment that got really sensitive (yas that's me rn)
2. Getting luxurious skincare at home (yas no need go out, spend less moneh)
3.  Fast solution for skin problem while preventing it from further problem (*sobs* you understand)
4. Different treatment from different masks.



I'll go through all these one by one by sharing my thoughts for each. Keep in mind that I DID NOT edit any of my face picture so I could give you a clearer picture of my skin condition. :) 


#1 HYDRATING WATER-FIT MASK
to improve rough and dry skin
RM12.90

"As you can tell, this mask is so thin it sticks straight to my skin. I love this best because I'm always about hydration when it comes to skin care due to my pores. I have rather enlarged pores so my beautician always tell me to keep my skin hydrated. Plus, once your skin is hydrated, it'll solve lots of other skin issues! Not sticky at all after using it!"







#2 BRIGHTENING BRIGHT-FIT MASK
to improve dark skin tone
RM12.90

"This mask is for those who would like an instant lifted glow on their face. The consistency is slightly thick but not to the point where you don't feel like it's too much. The products still get absorbed in to the skin pretty ok. And you can tell the sheet is also slightly thicker than the previous one. Once peeled off, there's an instant glowy finish on the skin!"






#3 DEEP NOURISHING GOLDEN-FIT MASK
to offer balanced nutrition
RM19.90

"This is probably the most luxurious mask I've ever used. My first impression was that it was flimsy, but my second time using it, I loved it! It sticked on so well as it's the hydrogel sheet design. It's also a two-piece mask which helps cover your face better. I like that it did not leave any stickiness to my skin and it has this cooling sensation when putting it on. I've mentioned in my "Daily Minnie" video that it gave a quick boost to my skin!" 







Surprise surprise! You can get all these premium Korean masks in your nearby Watsons
It's now available in store with promo Buy 2nd for RM1. WOHOO. 

I personally am always up for something that could give my skin instant boost and I think these mask definitely did the function they've stated. I am surprise that each specific function of the masks did showed specific results! So I like! 


You should probably watch my videos too as I did mentioned these masks in them 
"Like" my Facebook page here so you don't miss any updates! 

Also, go learn more about these mask on their Facebook Page HERE :)

Jonlivia Woman Long Sleeve ActivTee Plus (GIVEAWAY!)

1.14.2018


If you are not familiar with Hotpants yet, I've reviewed twice on them and they have been amazing! 
Read here: 


However, how can you do the same to your upper body? Well, I've got your back. Here's Jonlivia's Woman Long Sleeve ActivTee Plus! 

First off, this is my third time working with Jonlivia, which is an active wear brand where they include lots of different products to meet different needs including their Phiro series that helps with posture. I love their concept. My favorite thing about them is they are constantly improving their products (like adding pockets to the active wears!). 

Without further ado, lemme introduce you to the ActivTee Plus :) 


The Neo Abs Technology of this top is said to help burn belly fats faster so... hello to my abs dream! I've used this to workout under the air-conditioned room and so it helped me sweat so much quicker! 
oh yeh abs, come to mama.

 Tell me about the convenience of pockets. YES! 


A lot of you have been saying you are worried you might feel stuffy when you wear it. But fret not... 

The CoolVenti technology make sure you are staying cool and "well-ventilated" while you sweat it all out!

Personally, I'll do anything that's triple the effectiveness on my workout! I love that it is very stretchable and easy to wear. I could simply workout in my airconditioned room without worrying about not sweating enough! 

I'm wearing a size XS. It hugs nicely but if you don't like the tightness in your top, I'll suggest sizing up a little. For their bottom collection, I always go for XS :) 
Here's the full set! 


NOW, I know 2018 will be the year you've decided to stay fit! So... 
I'm giving away the Jonlivia Hotpants (worth RM250) since I received an extra! 
(This is a size XS, so if you fit this size, read through!)


All you need to do is... 
1. Like my Facebook page HERE 
2. Comment on this blogpost link on the facebook page on why you want to win this pants. 
ANDDDD I'll pick a winner! 


Thank you so much for the incredible support last year. I'll continue to post more content, especially on my Facebook page now. :) 


More related links: 


Small things matter

1.02.2018


Last year I've set a few "goals" that I didn't see it happening throughout the process. I didn't even realize I was already achieving them slowly. So today, I want to take this time to be appreciative with where I am now. 


I've always dreamed of work travelling. If you don't know, I was performing on a huge stage, live on TV, with Astro Hua Hee Dai, in Penang. 


I know I know. It's not like legit travelling far far away to work but still, it means a lot to me. I want to acknowledge this because although it may seem small, it is a step ahead from where I was before and it is something that I've envisioned before. 

Second, I've always wanted to vlog more. This year I made it a point to upload as frequently as possible. Even though I was not able to be as consistent as I would like to, I did achieve a little over 100 subscribers. I also have this series called "Daily Minnie" and Joe also joined in the game! I can't emphasize how excited I am to have him with me in this journey :D 


Lastly, probably my biggest highlight of 2017. I was able to produce Roots Dance Drama. As a little kid, I always knew I love the stage. I always feel excited like I belonged to the stage. Roots was definitely the biggest growth in my career because I got to be the producer. I have a lot, A LOT more to learn. I cannot thank D'Artiz enough for the opportunity! Thank you Mervin. 


A small reminder for the start of the year, is to do small things with big love. Be kinder to others. Be kinder to myself. Do the small little things that matter, like saying "thank you" or just give someone a hug when they need one. Happy New Year everyone. Thank you! 

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